Everything is shitty.
I've tried a bunch of times before, but now I'm calling my ass out and I need your help. I'll get to your part in a minute, just let me explain first.
I desire a more linear shape, a smaller mass. I need to drop some pounds.
A few days ago I dragged myself away from homework and took a walk to the nearest coffee shop. There's a few coffee shops nearby, but I picked It's A Grind. Afterward I noticed a new cheese shop had opened up next door so I peeked in and compared the quality of cheese shavings from a giant parmesan wheel to the processed shit you can buy at Albertsons or Stater Brothers with the employee.
While I walked home I noticed that I may have been waddling a bit.
"Am I fucking waddling," I thought.
Then out of no where this black guy passes by, points and says, "Hey, Jack Black."
I look over and politely chuckle then he shouts, "Do you ever get that."
I do get that. Quite a bit actually.
Jack Black is funny and all and I really don't mind the comparison, but I can't help to think that he's a bit round too.
What happened to me?
I feel like a product of the fast-food culture.
I am a product of the fast-food culture.
Anyways, the guy shouts one last time that he gets Morgan Freeman all of the time.
Holy shit. He did look like Freeman.
So the purpose of this rant is to post this:
I'm 203 pounds and not really fitting into this t-shirt.
But over a period of...how ever long it takes, I will slip this shirt on without straining a muscle. Then I'll wear it around town and tell people how this shirt used to ride high on my belly.
Here's where you come in.
Make fun of me. Hurt me. Hurl jokes and tell me I'm disgusting.
It's the only way.
I will continue to post a shot of me in this shirt every week, maybe every Monday, until the goal is attained.
I may write about things like what I'm eating and how I'm feeling, but don't let that stop you from verbally beating me.
I need the punishment.
I want the punishment like that cat wants to go outside.
So if you're interested in witnessing the transformation stayed tuned.
Hurl away.
Posts
17 comments:
Why you gotta be soooo wide?
you are one fat motherfu%$^#&. Maybe you can take a class on how not to be a fat person.
I wonder if this post would have happened if that guy never called you Jack Black. That guy was an asshole.
Good luck my friend!
I didn't know John Goodman was trying to lose weight...
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says "to be continued"...
Seriously though, you're not fat - you're just 3 feet too short...
You're so fat, you use a VCR for a pager...
Great photos of the smokey sky!
my god u look like Austen Montero!
nice Dean, that was incredible.
Thomas Beatie lactates milk ... you lactate crisco!
That's what I'm talking about.
what about Oklahoma? I wanna get my drink on and eat some fried stuff!!...wait, no...kill,fry, then eat stuff. Let's skip that week, then I'm right there with ya on the diet/exercise stuff. By the way, my "no drinking" experiment sucks. I've only lost 1lb and I'm pissed at the world!
oh yeah...fatty!
you guys, im telling you, the christian bale machinist diet works miracles. brings you closer to your last breath, but it does shed the pounds. coffee for breakfast (black), an apple for lunch (green) and a can of tuna for dinner. you will poo once a week, but you can loose up to 30, 40, 50 lbs like I did.
Don't fee bad John, I'm sure your not the ONLY one who broke a wii fit when they sat on it!
alright its been a couple days, lets see an update!
I'll post another photo on Monday. Don't make me eat through this computer and find you!
Dude, its not going to happen. Just realize that you're going to be fat forever. But its ok, its American. Jeremy has the same problem. The only way for it to happen is to change your lifestyle. Big time. So enjoy your largeness. Celebrate your fat. In certain cultures you look beautiful the way you are...
your desire to be insulted stems from the fact that you need to call yourself on being fat before others do. that way you can, not realistically .....be in control of the insults that you would garner for being so fat. fat people like you usually desire some sort of control, which is why they actual are fat to begin with....control of the food which usually results in the control being abused and in turn a new fat person. the problem is that when youe in that cycle youre usually too fat of a fucking pig with such low self worth thats its pointless to even try.
by the way, this is jonny. i didnt feel like signing in. and if youre serious you should join the belmont. ill go with you
So many comments to make, so little time....if only I read this entry earlier!!! Once I have calmed down and stopped hyperventilating from sheer excitement, the fat jokes will ooze forth...rather like how your rotund belly currently oozes from your straining t-shirt. And then the fun will begin...
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