Gondola at Sunset

Learning to maneuver a gondola ranks at the top of my "Weird Achievements List," and it all happened by accident. My friend Jeff "Sunshine" Harmon shoved me down this intoxicating path nearly 8 years ago, and this path has provided me the chance to participate in a strange assortment of events. There are enough stories within the minds of American gondoliers to fill the pages of a thick book, or a bunch of thin ones.

But this post focuses on my most recent adventure.

I met up with Tim and Chris at Sunset Gondola and soon after I arrived Gondola Blog writer Greg Mohr showed up with oars and forcole. Mohr supplied extra equipment because on this night we would row a four-man gondola in the Huntington Harbor Christmas parade rehearsal... and lead.

A bit of manuel labor was needed before the row. I did my part by snapping photos and sipping vino. Mohr was in a zone, taking charge and making things happen. Except for the Skill saw, he lost that battle when he realized all the batteries were dead. Everything worked out though, he resorted to grunting and clawing at whatever was close enough. He broke pieces of wood with the handle of his oar. Nobody needs precision when the animal comes out.

He's actually cutting that piece in the photo above with the head of a fish he plucked from the harbor. I've never heard a human roar so convincingly, but fortunately I've seen a human take their pants off so that part didn't shock me much. You'll have to ask him to see the pictures. He might know where I live.

The row was fun. The conditions were dubious. The lady with the bullhorn needed a break.

But in the end, when we were pulling away from the stern of a boat occupied by generous souls, we were happy and satisfied with the oar in one hand and an ice-cold beer in the other.

Oh yeah, this is Phillip. He's new, and pretty soon he'll have a chapter of his own.

Zombie Walk

My new video is

posted on the District's

Web site.

Check it.

It's got zombies

roaming around.

Click.

33

I don't believe I'm ripe enough to spout out some wise philosophy about life, I'm only 33.

The desire was there when I woke up this morning, but I quickly realized there was nothing for me to say, it's not my time.

Since I wanted to blog about something I decided to converge my birthday post with my "Hey I think I just made pomegranate juice" post. So here it is, half rant, half how to.

First things first - have a grandma that knows another grandma with a pomegranate tree. Then, have grandma bring you 11 of them in a crinkled Target bag.

Mmm... beautiful. Actually, pomegranates are quite ugly on the outside. They look sick, or pissed off. It's like they sit there depressed, wondering if anyone will take the time and effort to eat each one of its seeds. They must know what a pain in the ass they are, and they stain everything except your mouth.

I walked to It's A Grind for a medium cup of Kenya this morning. I like to believe the fog rolling over the homes and on to my face was a birthday present. But, since the sun bullies California the fog has dissipated and now everything is back to regular outside.

Speaking of regular, grab a regular knife and cut

the pomegranate in half.

Then sit there and wonder what you've accomplished in the 33 years you've been alive, or how ever many years you've been alive, since I doubt all of you out there are 33.

If you can't think of anything then think of the juice you're about to make. How many people in the U.S.A. have actually made pomegranate juice? Maybe there are a lot of people, but let's pretend the actual number is low - anything to make you feel better, right?

Ah... look at them innards, so red and brainy. I guess the inside is a bit nasty too, huh? For now we'll go with the old adage, looks can be deceiving. Now we must pluck each individual seed.

But first... a break.

Mmm, good stuff.

Now you should have a big bowl, and depending on the decisions you've made in life you'll either have to borrow a bowl, grab one of the two bowls that will best suit the situation, or pay someone to hand you the expensive bowl you either inherited or bought with the money from a certain successful stock market purchase.

Any one will work.

After you fill the bowl about 3/4 of the way with water, submerge one of the pomegranate halves and begin the delicate process of removing the seeds from their comfortable little ruts. If you decided to attend college late in life, then you know what I'm talking about - you can't use too much force, or the seeds will pop and will never get an education. You need a plan. If successful the seeds will head off to college while all the crap will float on top waiting for the water to recede.

I guess life can be a bit like fruit. You have two main choices - become something important, like juice, or grow into something rotten and be thrown away.

That's wise, right? Not yet?

OK. Moving on.

Grab a fancy strainer and attempt to remove most of the problems that are hovering, waiting for that water level to drop.

Begin pouring the water out through the strainer just in case some seeds try to escape.

Now you should have all the seeds you are planning to use for your juice. There will be some crap left over, but for the most part your bowl is full of pom seeds.

Dump them in the blender and pulse them into a frothy mixture. Really make them pay for wanting to progress into something other than stagnant seeds.

Then pour your mixture into a jug, but through the strainer. The total transformation from pulp to pure juice will need a little coercing. Take a big spoon and smash the pulp so you get as much juice as possible.

You should be left with a pulp patty. I have no creative idea for what to do with that, because that's the past. Why worry about the past?

You should have your juice concentrate now. Take a shot of it.

Reward yourself, you earned it. Now you can add water and sugar to

remove some of the tart, but don't ruin it by adding too much.

I ended up with 3 1/4 cups of concentrate. I added 5 cups of water and a 1/2 cup of sugar. I could have added a little more of both, but I was through guessing.

What's your next goal?